Of Profits And Perils

"Unless it is the Lord that builds the house, the laborers labor in vain (Psalms 127:1)."

Apparently, there can't just be all happiness and success in life, it must come at a cost somehow. When some earned it and worked for it, others chose to ruin it. Benjie (not his real name) is a former colleague in Jeddah. He  is a father of three and a husband to his attractive wife Jessa. He draws a hefty salary. He gets to travel in Spain to train for the company. She is a typical OFW wife. She's addicted to shopping and loves flaunting around a can-afford status. "Generosity to oneself is no privilege earned, it is a right", she rationalizes. And likewise he does. A nice job and an ability to provide for his family beyond their needs, are reasons strong enough to reward himself too,  of some slice of generosity - albeit in the form of another woman's bosom. Comes Mia in his life. She is a Muslim, a Maranao from Lanao del Sur. She's unmarried and a certified runaway. They fell in love. She got pregnant. When a Maranao association learned of her plight, they threatened to get him. His life and career then started to crumble. If caught, Mia could  be deported right away, for Benjie - lengthy jail time and lashes await him. It didn't take long before he found himself dragging his luggage from a conveyor belt at NAIA. Worse, he discovered his wife having an affair with a college student. The two eventually agreed to separate. But his misery just did not seem to stop when  his 16-year old daughter revealed she was pregnant.  As for his baby boy left in Jeddah, he is already one year old now, and very healthy under the care of a surrogate gay parent.

Two blocks from our company accommodation, Aling Editha keeps herself busy with her thriving homemade tocino and longaniza business. I am one of her 'suki'. She lives with Mang Eddie, her 'husband' here of twelve years. They have no children. Them are a normal couple living happily and 'legally'; thanks to a marriage certificate obtained from the Consulate. He works for a local media group as photojournalist, while she juggles between her full-time job as manicurist and her tocino business . They are a picture of a happy couple but both are not hesitant to admit they have their own respective families in the Philippines. He could automatically qualify to sponsor his wife but opts not to. Instead, he settles  for an annual vacation. Yes, it is extremely painful for their families back home had they known of  the situation.. Yet their cases are not isolated. They are all over the map.  Let's face it. These are real stories of real people.

Despite this alarming trend, there are also feel-good stories of a handful OFWs who keep the dignities of their families protected. Across the Gulf in Abu Dhabi, Elmer works as an aircon technician. (We both worked as warehouse helpers in a garment factory inside FTI Complex some years back, and just recently we found each other on Facebook.) Despite his rather low-paying job, he was able to build a modest home in Indang, Cavite with the help of his wife who started a small carinderia and sari-sari store. From their initial capital of 7,000 pesos, their business has grown dramatically in seven years. Elmer meanwhile waits for his completion of ten years in his company to be with his wife and two kids. I asked him how he is able to put together enough resilience and perseverance in his work. His reply was nothing of the extraordinary. " I draw my inspiration from my wife and kids who in turn draw inspiration from me. And my strength, I draw from God." Ah, I almost forgot he earlier told me he is an active member of the music ministry in a local Christian fellowship in Abu Dhabi.

Indeed a variety of stories each OFW can relate. Mostly inspiring yet some are frustrating. Each story reminds us,  that our love for our loved ones has brought us to wherever we are now and guided us to whatever we have become.  This year's theme advocated by PEBA does not only put the spotlight on the family as the most basic unit of society, therefore  the most important too. We all love our families and nobody would argue about that.  Each of us has our own purpose why we chose to be separated from them. To give our loved ones a better tomorrow easily tops our agenda. To most of us, it is purely economic reason and economic reason alone. To others maybe not, but for the majority including me it is.

For a kid born to a big family of twelve, in a place where barefoot seven-year olds ditch their being kids for a day sweating out under the sun while dodging the wrath of stinging sugarcane leaves, life indeed offered little compassion. Hardly able to get by, with my father alone in his responsibility to feed us all, my mother could only offer little resistance in between sobs, knowing that her children are leaving one after the other. My older brother for Surallah in South Cotabato to work in  a  ricefield, and my sister who next sailed to Iloilo to work as babysitter who eventually took my other sister with her later. And another sister who was barely fifteen, was hired by our neighbor to work as housemaid for a Chinese family in Mandaue.

Other than the scourge of scarcity, ours was a picture of a contented family. Our parents who themselves did not complete primary school, recognized the value of  education - or at least higher than what they had reached. Unable to realize that dream for their children, when we basically struggled to keep our heads above water, we had to be sent out  somewhere, either to work so as to get to school, or to work just to be able to survive. Time and destiny would later conspire that I faced my own. Armed with a few units in college (and some fierce determination), I decided it was my time to slowly weave my own destiny, oblivious of the difficulties that lie ahead, yet mindful of the same that inspired me to press on. My inspiration? - my father who worked tirelessly and saw to it that there was food on the table, and my mother who had to routinely get up before dawn  (albeit stealthily so as not to wake us),  to prepare the village folks' favorite 'bibingka' so that we have notebooks and pencils in school.

No matter what the circumstances in life, it is our love for them that keeps us going. They are our strength and inspiration. They are the reason why we persist to exist even at times when we almost refused to. We put their interest before our own. To the point that we are reluctant to tell our sad tales  in a foreign land because we don't want them to worry about us.  Of being routinely tossed aside from the till point where I was serving, to clean the bathroom because our Arabian colleagues are deemed unworthy touching the dreadful. Of believing that being the breadwinner, it is a natural thing to subsist on a diet of eggs and noodles to make do of a salary too scanty for the whole family . However, all the feelings of cynicism and self pity of having to forget yourself, and anger for being discriminated against, just go away with the thoughts of them.  But nothing beats the pain of losing a father without having tasted the fruits of my sacrifices and not seeing him lowered to his final abode.

"She knew the uncertainties that await her in Kuwait. She gambled but kept the faith. To feed her son and send him to school topped her list. And there is her mother who is sick. But in an instant all her dreams perished, now her family mourns of her death. As the collective OFW diaspora swiftly reacted in rage, the pain inflicted on the family of Asria Samad can never be healed. What she only knew then - she loved her family, and the pains of not being able to feed them superseded that of the perils that she will have faced. Indeed she did pay with her life - dearly - and lost it." 

Invincible fortitude, unassailable spirit and fierce determination, serve as our arsenal that equips us in our battle with uncertainties in a foreign land. Them that keeps us staying afloat through stormy seas. Them that enabled our immune system to strengthen us when we needed comfort and care.  Yes, they are our loved ones.  It is the thoughts of them that cool us down under the oppressive desert sun by the Gulf. And the thoughts of them blubbering  neath our epidermis that keep us warm in a freezing Alaskan shore. And the thoughts of them that keep us sane  in a chaotic Tel Aviv nursing home. How I wish we had the fortitude and resilience of Elmer and the spirit and determination of Asria. Regrettably, others like Benjie and Jessa who did not stand by their vows to each other, chose to crush the dignity of their family. As for Mang Eddie and Aling Editha, their love affair shows no sign of waning, albeit flourishing in this part of the world yet uncertain in another.

Strangely enough, some of us articulated our mission time and time again, that no matter what the circumstances in life, we are willing to make sacrifices for our loved ones, and yet we make it on our own terms. The mission of realizing those dreams that keeps our reluctant feet going is no longer paramount, but has suddenly been blurred by the slightest tickle of temptation that beckons us. Who are we fooling? Can we count those precious innocent lives who have been at the receiving end of broken families? How many OFW's daughters got pregnant at 16? And misguided young sons into drug addiction and criminality? Are they not daily fixtures in our primetime appetite? We certainly hate them to happen to us. And so why subscribe to the eternal mantra of the deceitful that "I am only human", therefore I am into this habit? We all know that there is no magic formula as to how one remains faithful to his or her spouse. It is a daily battle that could be won in one's own term, no secret formula, it is a given one, stand our ground and keep the faith is all what we need.

Fellow OFWs, unmarried and not,  we all know of our purpose and mission in a foreign land. Some of us may have opted to permanently settle in a country that gave us the fulfillment of our dreams, yet most of us are homebound to our loved ones to share the fruits of our sacrifices. A modest house, a hefty bank account or the flashiest gadgets - all of these will go to naught  sans a family that firmly stands. For no amount of temporal things will ever surpass the joy of seeing your family  complete under one roof. As the PEBA president announces (in his message),  that failed marriages among OFWs are on the rise, it is high time that you stand resolutely to safeguard the dignity of your family. To those blessed with spouses, communication of all sorts are in abundance. Use them to your advantage. Encourage and comfort each other, for tendencies of infidelity abound wielding its  clout and power, its threat  knows no age,  dispensation it has none.  And let us remember, that the success of a person is not gauged by what he has achieved in life, but by the amount of respect he has earned.

Most importantly, let's not forget our Maker - our only source of life and strength. Seek  His guidance and protection -  He who made us and loved us. When we make Him  the central figure of our household, all our cares and worries get subdued.  For unless it is the Lord that builds the house, the laborers labor in vain (Psalms 127:1). Because we only exist by His grace for  apart from Him we can do nothing.  Isn't our God bigger than any of our problems?

Lastly, I would like to applaud the PEBA people for their advocacies on  strengthening OFW families, in light of the rising incidences of failed marriages and misguided children caused by separation from loved ones. I would also like to thank them for encouraging new bloggers like me to share our thoughts and stories, or perhaps lessons worth sharing that will serve as inspiration to others. This year's theme they put  forth is timely and carries a sense of urgency, that opens up the reality behind the sacrifices of an OFW family and the price they have to pay in their pursuit of a better life. As for those who have lost their lives like Asria and many others who have suffered a similar fate, the lives of their loved ones left behind will never be the same again.  Aren't we blessed that we stay whole?  To God be the glory!

If this article inspired you, please leave your comment and VOTE ! I'm nominee # 11 ¡SOY NEGRENSE! Thank you very much.